My Bodysex Experience (with @myorgasmiclife): an in-person, all women, nude masturbation workshop
I imagine you might be curious to read up on my Bodysex experience for the same reason I was curious about this workshop hosted by Katrina Marie of @myorgasmiclife (but founded by Dr. Betty Dodson) when I first came across it a year ago.
Perhaps, you too, are thinking:
1. How the heck does something like this exist?
2. How do I sign up?
As I’m an open book and a firm believer that there is so much to gain from reading up on people’s lived experiences, I want to share my Bodysex experience, including why I chose to sign up, what happened in the actual in-person workshop and what I gained from it in the event that you might want to partake in it one day as well!
If you are more of an auditory learner and prefer to hear about this experience in audio format, you can tune into episode 73 of The Fill Your Cup Podcast where I talk about it, and share how and why I committed to having the best sex of my life this past January 2020. Tune in below, or where you get your podcasts.
First off, let’s clear the air …
What is Bodysex?
I’m going to share what Katrina Marie shared on her website about Bodysex, because I think she summed it up perfectly:
“Bodysex is a 2 day workshop for women designed to shed body shame and pleasure anxiety.
It's done in the nude, but it's not sexual. The environment is a safe, supportive space of a circle of women. It is sisterhood at its best. Competition disappears, and we all learn from each other.
The iconic “mother of masturbation”, Betty Dodson, began teaching women about orgasms in her Manhattan living room in the 70s.”
To get a better understanding of it, you can watch the episode “Our Pleasure” in The Goop Lab with Gwyneth Paltrow on Netflix (yep, it’s going mainstream, folks!).
Why I Signed Up For Bodysex
Last year around this time when I consciously uncoupled with my previous partner of 6 years, Randy, while I was elated to go after what I wanted romantically, I was deeply confused as to what that looked like. I struggled with a lot of guilt and confusion when I left Randy because nothing was necessarily wrong in our relationship. It just never felt right.
While I trusted that gut instinct of mine to go and find what was better suited to me, I wasn’t quite sure what that was. On top of that, I was struggling to feel sexually connected and turned on with my male partner, and noticed my fantasies that that did turn me on often revolved around women.
It was at that point where I became curious as to whether I was interested in women, in addition to men.
Fast forward to November, when I came across international sexual empowerment coach, Katrina Marie (@myorgasmiclife), via Instagram, along with her Bodysex workshops. When I first read up on what the 2-day in-person, all women, completely nude workshop entailed, I was in disbelief. My initial thought was “how is this even legal?” which goes to show how sexually oppressed myself I really was.
The thought of spending the whole weekend with a group of 5-10 other women, completely nude and partaking in activities like genital show and tell (which is exactly what it sounds like), erotic recess [read: masturbating in the same room as other women] and group massage made me want to throw up – and intrigued me at the same time.
My first thought was: “Oh my god, how can this actually exist?!”. My second thought? “Holy shit, I need this”.
When I say I was sexually oppressed, what I mean is that I had been carrying on generational trauma and systemic sexual oppression derived from the women decades before me, contributing to the belief system that:
I wasn’t deserving of pleasure
Pleasure is “bad”
Masturbation is shameful
I am not worthy of my sexual needs being met
All of the above is likely the reason why I went 29 years of my life before experiencing an orgasm with a romantic partner. Up until then, I had been able to orgasm on my own with ease (most of the time), but never with a partner. While it was frustrating and I would express my frustration to my partners, we couldn’t quite crack it – and I say “we” because I don’t mean for this to be perceived as placing blame. I also take ownership for my role in this.
I also struggled with performance anxiety and shame around my body in intimate settings:
“Am I taking too long?”
“Do I smell/taste okay?”
“Oh shit, I didn’t shave my legs. I can’t have sex. They’ll scratch him and he’ll get turned off”
And because worth (or rather, a lack of) is at the root for most people who struggle with disordered eating and eating disorders like I did, I never felt deserving enough of receiving pleasure from others, especially if it took a longer amount of time.
Despite the fact that I was terrified to actually do it, all of these factors contributed to my inner knowing that Bodysex was made for people like me.
I let the next Bodysex session in January 2020 pass by (regretfully), and made a point to sign up for the April 2020 session. Due to COVID-19, that did not end up happening, but I’m glad it didn’t.
Because what I experienced, with the people I experienced it with, on September 12, 2020, is something I will remember and cherish forever.
My Bodysex Experience
Due to COVID-19, the participants of the workshop I participated in went from 10 people to 5 people, and a 2 day workshop to a 1-day workshop (1-9pm, which turned into 10:30pm as we lost track of time when we began to explore the Magic Wand and Barbell).
On the morning of, I was actually really excited. Although, that turned into “excited” with a hint of “I might shit myself” about an hour leading up to the workshop. But as I expected, my nerves calmed the minute I walked in the door of a beautiful downtown Toronto loft and was greeted by the beautiful warmth of Katrina’s nude body.
I saw another woman in the distance who was getting settled, already nude. A really funny thing happened next because I asked Katrina if I should go into the washroom to undress. She reminded me that I could undress right there. Hm, right – this was an all nude workshop after all. It felt a bit odd, but because everyone was doing it, it became un-odd really quickly. Like, super un-odd to the point where we all had to comment on that fact about an hour into the workshop how normal and comfortable it felt seeing everyone’s nude bodies.
Everyone seemed like they were coming from the same place – nervous, but excited. I think seeing that made me feel more comfortable immediately and I was excited to learn more about why everyone decided to sign up for the workshop.
The workshop was broken up into about 6 parts, which I’ll take you through.
Reflecting On Our Body + Orgasm
We took turns going around the circle of us 5 women (aged 29-48-ish, in case you’re wondering – because I would be) to first share how we felt about our body, and next, how we felt about our orgasm. Again, I couldn’t believe how many similarities there were amongst the group. All this time, I felt like I was the only one struggling with my sexuality and sexual self-expression, and here were about 5 women around me saying “girl, SAME”. I can’t tell you the impact sharing in those similar feelings had on me.
Genital Show & Tell
You might be thinking “what?! you just flew from talking in a circle to showing each other your genitals?!” but at this point, we were about 1.5 hours into the workshop and feeling very comfortable and safe with one another.
Katrina kicks off Genital Show & Tell by showing the anatomy of her vulva and vagina to everyone, including her cervix. Using her own anatomy and a clay figurine, she showed us where a woman’s erectile tissue can be found – and ladies, let me tell ya, we’ve got A LOT of it that might not be getting the attention it deserves! We all gathered around in a half-circle and she sat with her legs spread in front of a mirror and a light as we all took a closer look. It honestly felt like the science class I wanted and needed over a decade ago.
After Katrina’s turn, we all took a turn splaying our legs in front of all and showing our genitals to each other. It sounds sexual, but none of it was sexual. It was actually really cool to see other women’s anatomy, including their breasts. We are all so unique and different, and yet, very much the same.
Katrina would point out things like the size of our clit, where our urethra is, how certain things sat and fell and the colouring around our vulva. Because each person’s was different, we were able to notice these small, subtle differences. For me, we noticed my G spot was very visible when I splayed my legs, which BLEW MY MIND (and everyone’s mind) because all this time, I thought the G spot was far deep within the vagina. Little did I know, it’s directly on the immediate inside of the opening of the vagina.
As for my own experience being in front of the mirror and having 5 other woman’s heads gawking at my vulva, I have to say it was slightly nerve-wracking but mostly liberating. I was about the 3rd or 4th person to go and at that point, I had seen many vulvas and the beauty within them. When I saw my own, I immediately thought “yuck! mine isn’t as nice as theirs”. And then I reminded myself that there is beauty to everyone’s and it was the first time I was able to see my genitals through a loving lens of something I wanted to explore and appreciate more of, as opposed to just avoiding it altogether by not looking at it.
We took breaks in-between each part of the workshop to relax, chat and enjoy delicious plant-based food that Katrina prepared. Next, we went into preparation for Erotic Recess by learning the Rock & Roll Method.
3. The Rock & Roll Method
At this point of the workshop, Katrina teaches us Dr. Betty Dodson’s Rock & Roll technique: the combination of clitoral stimulation and vaginal penetration, designed for a blended orgasm.
This method has been scientifically proven to be 93% effective in helping anorgasmic women achieve orgasm. It's not all about orgasm, but this is proven to be the most effective way to create one if having one if something you want.
We all started to play around and explore this method, using the Magic Wand and Dr. Betty Dodson’s stainless steel barbell. I was actually much more aroused at this point, than I was during erotic recess, but I’ll get to that.
So, while there were 5 of us playing around with our genitals at this point, it didn’t feel weird. In fact, I made eyes with one of the attendees at one point and we just gave each other a little “sup” head nod. I think normalizing that masturbation and self-pleasure is such a beautiful, normal and integral part of the human experience was one of the beautiful things I took out of this workshop, as opposed to it being something I previously held shame and guilt around.
4. Vocal Toning and Intention Setting
Before heading into erotic recess where we would really put the Rock & Roll Method to practice, we vocal toned and set intentions.
Katrina had an instrument called a Shruti Box that we used to vocal tone aka release rhythmic sounds, harmonize and chant. As a lover of music, this was a really special part of the experience. It felt “witchy” in the best way possible.
We also set intentions as to what we wanted to release, specifically, something/someone we felt anger towards that needed to be released. Mine was towards the system and the people that contributed to the shame I felt about my body and the belief that I needed to “do more” or achieve in order to be loved.
Our eyes were closed, but at one point, I opened my eyes to sneak a peek at what was happening. It was getting dark at this point, and the room was lit with nothing but candle light. The glow was casting off all of our nude bodies and the walls and a light linen curtain kept the street lights from barley coming in.
At that point, I felt united in our sisterhood; in liberation; in our mission to take back the power we, and our ancestors from generations before us, gave away due to sexual oppression.
It was the most beautiful way to transition into erotic recess.
5. Erotic Recess
Katrina carves out 1 hour for erotic recess, but all of us were overwhelmed with how long that was (haha). We committed to half an hour of playing, orgasming if we wish, and experiencing deep pleasure.
We were all still in the same room, but in our own little “nests'“ in various corners. Yes, we were masturbating, but doing so alone.
Admittedly, I was struggling to get aroused. Since the Rock & Roll Technique was still a bit new to me, and perhaps blended with some performance anxiety, I was struggling to get into it. My performance anxiety is often rooted in taking too long to orgasm, and perhaps feeling undeserving of taking up time (specifically with romantic partners). So when I heard a woman cumming on the other side of the room, that performance anxiety part of me went into freak out mode for a second, and then I was brought back by my own reminder to take the time that I wish.
Katrina came over at one point to ask how I was doing and I was open to her in that I was struggling a bit. The woman beside me (who has turned into a lovely sweet friend after the workshop too) said the same, and so, Katrina coached us through everything again.
I started to get the rhythm, so much so, that when Katrina asked again how I was doing, I simply gave her a quick thumbs up and suggested for her to go away (in a loving way, haha). I was getting ready to go, and since I’m easily distracted (I live a lot in my head), I needed all the concentration on me, my body and my orgasm.
I was surprised that my orgasm, both the feeling and the sounds through moans that I make, sounded very much the same as they do when I’m on my own. I was proud of myself for being so true to myself and felt so fucking empowered to be able to do that in a room full of women.
No one, except for Katrina, comments on each other’s orgasms, and the way Katrina “comments” isn’t really a comment, but more so channeling each person’s orgasmic energy. I talked about this in the podcast episode I recorded on The Fill Your Cup Podcast, but there was a moment in the workshop that I’ll never forget. A woman was leading up to her climax (evident through heavy breathing and light moaning) and as she was cumming and moaning, Katrina stood in the middle of the room nodding and raised her arms almost like “fuck yeah – let’s goOoooOooooO!”. It was total liberation.
After I finished, and I sensed the woman beside me had finished, I turned on my side and we chatted about our experience. Again, NORMAL. I know, I too can’t believe I just masturbated in a room of other women, orgasmed and now I was on my side (previously a vulnerable position for me as I used to hate how my belly rolled when I did that) and chit-chatting with my neighbour. It was all just so, so beautiful.
6. Group Massage
We had to do this part a bit differently, as we were short on time, but essentially, we all gave each other non-sexual physical touch. It was beautiful (I use this word a lot to describe the whole experience) and super nurturing. This really felt like a celebration of our bodies; a reminder that we are all deserving and worthy of unconditional love.
Winding Down
At this point of the workshop, we were just about over time but still needed to eat dinner and reflect. Katrina made some of the best nachos I’ve ever had (which was extra cool because I had been craving nachos AND because we ate them around a table in the nude).
I mean, sitting naked with women around a table while eating nachos? Talk about kicking a whole lot of shame to the curb!
We finished the evening by going around and sharing our biggest takeaways from the workshop, gushing about how special the experience was and our group was as a whole, and giving praise to Katrina for doing this incredibly important work.
We cleaned up and put on our clothes (which felt really weird after being naked for 9+ hours) and went on our way. I got the contact info of 2/4 of the women that were there and we continue to slide into each other’s Instagram DMs and talk about how magical that day and experience was.
In January 2020, I committed to having the best sex of my life with myself and romantic partners and this was truly a celebration of all of that. I reaffirmed things I already knew about myself that I will continue to live a whole more true to, and also, discovered new things I am excited to dive deeper into.
I am so proud, grateful and privileged to call this body of mine, home. I am deeply committed to a life of juicy, ooey-gooey pleasure. And I committed to unlearning the systemic sexual oppression from within.
I truly believe we can all do this by opening up about these topics more and destigmatizing them. Sex and sexual desire is the most natural, and yet we “wrong” it and make it out to being so dirty. To me, exploring and celebrating this part of myself is an act of self-love and another tool in my toolkit to support myself and my well-being.
I will forever be grateful to Katrina Marie for doing her own work, so she could go on and guide us through doing the work ourselves. Since connecting with her about a year ago, my life has turned upside down in the best way possible, and I can assure you, I am changed for the better.
And because I’m an open book, if you have any questions about anything I mentioned here, or perhaps did not mention, feel free to comment below or email me directly at info@rachelmmolenda.com. We don’t have to go through any of this alone, and if answering some questions for you can bring you closer to accessing that level of self-love for yourself and belief that you are deserving of pleasure in life, then it would be my absolute honour to help you.