I Don't Regret My Breast Reduction, But This Is What I Wish I Knew Before Doing It
I was 17 when I got my breast reduction which would officially make it 10 years ago. When I tell people I had a breast reduction, their first question is usually "Woah! How big were they?" just imagining the chest I had on me. While they were certainly bigger than most girl's my age, I wouldn't say it was anything to write home about (imagine ... writing home about your boobs – ha!). But being in a 5'11", bigger boned body that never came with a flat stomach, whether I was 124lbs or 200lbs, I always felt like everything about me was just, bigger – including my chest.
I started considering a breast reduction when I started experiencing upper back pain. In hindsight, I don't actually know if it was caused by the size of my breasts or if it just came with the way I carried stress and tension. Given that I still struggle with upper back pain and tight shoulders to this day, I'm going to go with more of the latter. I still do think having a bigger chest played a minor role in this, since I do still consider my breasts to be on the bigger side, but looking back, I don't think it was the only culprit.
I don't remember how the conversation happened, but eventually, I ended up going to my doctor to ask for a referral to a surgeon for a breast reduction. From start to finish, it was actually the easiest process. I know this isn't typical for everyone though and I'm grateful for such a seamless experience, so take that with a grain of salt. The conversation with my doctor didn't last too long. All I really had to say was that I had back pain and I got the referral. The waiting period was probably the hardest part since it was about 1 year time from the date that I got the referral for the surgery to when I finally got the surgery in March 2008.
I recall a few prep appointments leading up to it but I don't remember much of what was said; probably because my surgeon was insanely attractive. Like Jude Law attractive. Is he still hot?
"I do remember one thing that was said to me though, and that was that I may not be able to breastfeed when I have children."
But at 17 years of age, that was far from being a concern so naturally, I dismissed it. But now knowing what I know about the benefits of breastfeeding from my time in nutrition school (from a nutritional and a bonding standpoint), that thought alone would have been enough to stop me from going through with the surgery. But alas, I did it anyway.
I have vivid memories of said super hot surgeon drawing the incision lines on my breasts before going under and the next thing I knew, I was in the recovery room, dopey as heck and for the first time in my life, smaller chested. From the time I arrived at the hospital to the time I left, the whole process was around 4-5 hours. I returned home the same day.
I spent the next week in bed recovering. Time flew by, but I guess that's what Tylenol 3s do to you (seriously, I think I just stared at the ceiling for a week straight, haha). I was super fortunate to have a ton of visitors during that time though, from friends, friend's parents, classmates, teachers and the boy I was seeing at the time – and I'm pretty sure I flashed just about all of them!
"The thing is, I didn't feel like my boobs were mine anymore. They were basically a war zone at the time with all of the stitches that I just felt like I was a mini science experiment. Plus, they were smaller and I had never had small boobs before."
Fun fact: my sister actually took close-up shots of them for a photography assignment and pretended it was our uncle's arm after an intense surgery. So to anyone that was in that photography class – surprise and you're welcome!
With my boobs feeling smaller, I felt smaller. I loved that I could throw on a top and not have my chest act as a shelf and make me look bigger than I was. I felt tiny and cute! My breasts stopped being the focal point of conversations because, for a long time, they were. I was jokingly referred to as "Double D Molenda" and even my girlfriends would make playful jokes about my boobs. It was never traumatizing and I never received them as mean comments.
"I guess in my mind, having bigger boobs was better than being judged for being fat, or in a bigger body, so if that was going to be the first thing people noticed of me, then so be it."
My recovery was swift and my healing went as planned – well, for the most part. One of my nipples didn't heal perfectly. To this day, it's still a bit rippled and not as smooth as a natural nipple would be. If you look closely, you can still see the keyhole incision that was made around my nipple and straight down, but it doesn't bother me. The only person that sees them is me, my boyfriend Randy and my girlfriends who want to sneak a peek once in a while (haha). And truthfully, I don't hold the shame about my body that I once did.
Now I don't regret my breast reduction because what's done is done and I can't change that. But I do have some second thoughts about it. I wonder if it actually served its purpose. I wonder if it was actually necessary. I wonder if I did it for the wrong reasons. And I wonder if I would still do it if I knew what I knew now.
This is what I wish I knew when I was considering a breast reduction:
That the back relief it gave me could have been resolved in other ways: I kind of hate how surgery became the immediate solution in response to my back pain. While I'm not coping with too many of the negative consequences of it to this day, I still wonder if physically augmenting my body was the answer when it could've been resolved through other means, such as doing more back strengthening exercises, improving my posture or wearing the correct bra size (UGH – how many of us did this for far too long?!). Because in all honesty, I still have back pain to this day so if a breast reduction was truly the answer, why would I still be experiencing symptoms?
That breasts can grow back and thus – the same issue can persist: Again, when people ask me what size I was before getting a breast reduction, I often say "Not much bigger than they are now, or perhaps the size they are now". Since I wasn't wearing the proper bra size at the time, I can't really say what I was but I think I went from being a 34 or 36DD to a 34 or 36C. With that said, I'm back rocking a 36DD today so I'm not sure if a breast reduction was truly the solution.
That getting a breast reduction wouldn't make me any happier with my body: During the time I got my breast reduction, I was deep into chronic dieting and suffering from low self-esteem and body image issues to the max. I hated always being the "bigger" girl, whether that was because of my 5'11" height or my bigger boned, more-to-love body. I think I thought getting a breast reduction would make me look and feel smaller so I could blend in more with the tinier girls. While I enjoyed my smaller boobs and minor boob lift temporarily (seriously – I didn't realize I already had saggy boobs at 17 haha), I definitely didn't love my body any more than when I got a breast reduction. It wasn't until much later that I learned that true love for your body comes from a place of self-respect, gratitude and appreciating what your body does for you as opposed to what it looks like on the outside.
That I would actually end up caring that I may not be able to breastfeed my future children: Knowing the nutritional and bonding benefits of breastfeeding your children, this potential reality devastates me. I have hope that this won't be a reality for me since I've heard a mix of positive outcomes sprinkled in with the not-so-positive ones, but gosh, do I ever wish someone told me that 27-year-old me would care a whole lot more about this than 17-year-old-me did. But then again, I probably still wouldn't have listened. Background to this if you missed it earlier: if you are getting a breast reduction, you are warned that breastfeeding may no longer be a possibility since the removal of the nipple can cause damage to the nerves, milk ducts and breast tissue, which can severely limit milk flow and sensation to the nipple. Scarring inside the breast can also affect lactation. I'm doing my best to remind myself what my Mama has always told me that "96% of what you worry about doesn't come true" and simply wait to see when I get there, but it still doesn't cross my mind and upset me from time to time.
I do want to say if you are considering getting a breast reduction, GO FOR IT – but please, do your research and explore all potential implications, consequences and options first.
There are many cases where a breast reduction can bring relief to women who are heavier chested. I just don't think that was my only issue and I think I jumped the gun on the decision and might not have done it for the right reasons.
I don't wake up every day thinking about it and regretting it. In fact, it's something I've just begun to reflect on in the past years, likely due to the fact that babies are more so on my mind these days (hello, maternal clock!) and the fear of not being able to breastfeed is very apparent.
And remember, this is just my story. I'm not saying this is the case for all women, in which case, I encourage you to reach out to people who you know have had this surgery so you can hear their story too. Of course, you are always welcome to reach out and ask any other questions that I may not have answered here, either in the comments below or via email. I hope you found this helpful, whether you are in the stage of considering a breast reduction or not!