003. Coffee, Orgasms and 60 year old Men – all before 10am (on my experience at Burning Man)
It was a sunny morning on the playa (what the desert floor is referred to at Burning Man) and another day to do anything and everything I could possibly want.
I asked myself: what would I want to do if I was at home and had a wide open day?
“I’d want to go journal, read and hang out at a coffee shop”.
Great!
I looked up the nearest coffee camp on my iBurn app (this is an offline app which shows the thousands of "camps", events and offerings that are happening each day at Burning Man). Some days I would look up what's happening on there and let life's flow take me from there, or go fully rogue and bike wherever my legs took me.
I biked on over to the nearest cafe called "Deadbeat Club", grabbed a coffee and sat down on an old dusty couch when an older man sat down next to me.
We began chatting just as a woman walked by asking where the 'Barbie Day Spa' is.
"I’m looking to get a foot massage", she said.
(More context: Burning Man is a festival in the desert curated by its attendees. Attendees create various events and infrastructure to emulate a city, from bars, to spas, to dance classes, to breathwork, to arts & crafts to food stands to - yes, even orgy tents. Everything is free, is based on the principle of “gifting” and there is no exchange of money. Now, back to the Barbie Day Spa)
“Foot massage?!” I piped up. “I want one of those”
After directing the woman to the actual Barbie Day Spa, the older man chimes in:
“I’ll give you one”
In that moment, I flashed to the "Toronto Rache"l and what she would do in this instance (pretend she’s not into it, even though she actually really genuinely wants a foot massage) and then "Burning Man Rachel", who is free to do and be whoever she wants.
I also flashed down to my dirty Converse and my feet that had not seen a shower other than a good slap of a wet wipe in a few days.
“Okay” I accepted. “But what if my feet stink?” I said both flirtatiously and fear-laden-ly.
“I’ll give you a foot bath”, he responds
In that moment, I knew this man was a dirty mother fucker and I was down for any and all pleasure that was about to come my way.
We go around the corner to his one-man tent and he fills a plastic bin with water and soap where I put my feet in for a soak.
“Do you have lotion?” I asked.
“I have sunscreen?” he answered in both response and question.
I nodded and smirked in an "it will do" form of agreement.
The next thing I know, I'm sitting there wearing a soft yellow baboushka wrapped over my head like a pin up girl from the 40s, vintage circle glasses, coffee in hand and my bucket-bathed-feet in the hands of a 60 year old being rubbed up with sunscreen. "This is the life", I thought to myself.
“How would you feel about an ass massage?" he then asks.
Oh fuck. I knew where this was going now.
“Hmm, let me check in” I said. I closed my eyes, felt into my heart, toggled back and forth between Toronto Rach and Burning Man Rach, asking my heart what it genuinely desired when I landed on my answer.
“Sure, I’m into it. But, where?”
He nods his head to his one-man tent.
The next thing I know, I'm sliding into this tent, belly first and this 60 year old man is spreading my cheeks giving me the juiciest ass massage.
"Damn" I thought to myself, as I started to get super turned on and realizing I'm not going to want to stop there.
"How do you feel about oral?" he then asks.
"Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck," I think to myself. "Am I really going to let a 60 year old man go down on me?"
(Context: I've been known to fuck with some "daddy kink", so I was actually really turned on by the idea of this, but I never thought I would actually play it out IN REAL FUCKING LIFE).
"Hmmm, let me check in with myself", I say out loud again. I close my eyes, feel into my heart, toggle between Toronto Rach and Burning Man Rach, asking her what she desires.
It was a clear yes.
"Okay", I accepted.
No word of a lie, %FIRSTNAME%, this man goes down on me for not even 5 minutes and I get off faster than anyone has ever gotten me off before 😳.
He didn't even throw a finger inside of me (I know I'm fucking wild, but I wasn't going to fuck with any potential sunscreen-induced vaginal infection in the middle of the fucking desert LOL) and IT WASN'T EVEN LIKE HE WAS AN ALL-STAR WITH HIS TONGUE.
I honestly believe it all came down to honouring my true desires in the exact moment.
"Immediacy" is another principle at Burning Man where you are encouraged to live in the moment, rather than "planning" or scheduling things. I love this because it allows you to be open to life's magic in the moment, which apparently means a morning coffee turning into being eaten out by a [hot, might I add] 60 year old before 10am.
In my regular life (or what Burners would refer to as "the default world"), I can have the tendency to think about what others will think of me first, before asking myself what *I* truly desire.
This is what I love about Burning Man – you are truly free to be who you want, to do what you want, whenever the fuck you want at any given moment.
And, in my case, I got to be my true self.
My true self that loves to be free and explore on her own.
My true self that loves to take great care of herself (i.e. drink water, take supplements, eat well, move my body), but also enjoys staying up late dancing to electronic music from time to time.
My true self that loves a clean, peaceful home, but also loves the smell of "party" (alcohol and cigarettes, despite not being a smoker lol – I know this is a weird one).
My true self that has a not-so-secret Daddy kink / fetish (along with many others ...).
My true self that found her way in a 4-way kiss at Burning Man and KIND OF LIKED IT.
My true self that now knows she wants to be in a committed, loving relationship with one man, but may want to mix in a threesome down the line together.
Very rarely do we give ourselves this full permission slip to be all of who we are, and while there are times I've been writing this to you thinking "Rachel Marie Molenda, are you ACTUALLY sharing this? This is TOO MUCH. Tone it down!", what gives me the courage to share this anyway is this:
First off, I know I'm not the only one with a Daddy kink ;) and I KNOW that sometimes it just takes witnessing someone else doing or being the thing you want more of in your life to give you the courage to be all of who you truly are as well.
And, if me going out on a limb to share a story about being eaten out by a 60 year old man at Burning Man helps you to do that, then it is my deepest pleasure (literally) to do so.
